“What are you willing to give me…” (Matthew 26)
Mary had just poured out a year’s worth of dreams over Jesus. She was seeing nothing but him. Her heart burned within her for him. She didn’t need a thing- except to give her everything.
Judas looked on. He saw extravagance and waste. He saw foolishness and ‘what ifs’…. He saw frustration wrapped in the delay of his planned agenda. The agenda that needed everything. The agenda that let him give nothing.
He had let his heart grow cold.
Judas had let himself be disillusioned by what he thought he should be seeing and creeping dissatisfaction was carving out a hole to be filled…
“What are you willing to give me…”
It’s easy to judge Judas. It’s easy to see the shame of the betrayal and the disillusionment and the love of money, power and personal agendas played out in the greatest spiritual and historical battle of all time… but what about us? What about me?
What would we sell our souls for? who would we look to ask, ” What are you willing to give me?…”
Would there be dreams, riches, success, relationships … even “godly” agendas that we would trade for… what about family? When life’s visions are taking too long, when help and hope seem mismanaged and illusive, when trials of this world play too hard and against every rule of fair play we’ve come to believe… what then?
No, we can’t so easily judge.
Judas lost vision. He stopped sitting at Jesus feet. He began dreaming beyond the Savior at his side. Unlike Mary he let himself need more. He forgot that there is nothing more…
there is only spiritual bankruptcy.
…we are only one breath away- a prayer or a curse – from being Mary, or Judas.
Jesus, even in the end Judas was still only one breath away from eternal life or death… but even then he took life into his own hands and lost eternally. I know that Judas and I are not so different. I get side-tracked and comfort minded and easily disillusioned and swayed beyond your feet. Let my life be a breath of prayer, even costly prayer that would give all I own to see you, and only you, and stay content by your feet. Your dreams, your vision for me, Your hope and truth and leading. Making anything I see or want meaningless. Let there be NO value that would make me want to say, “what are you willing to give me…”